One of my best pictures!

Hard to believe these were taken at the same party!!!

One of my worst pictures!

Quotable Quotes: From Unquotable People

"Keep your inner child alive and active."
Bill Hicks

Quotable Quotes: From Unquotable People

I've heard many good people (but NOT famous people) say things that SHOULD be quotable...so I'm turning them into quotes that EVERYONE can use!

"You've made an impenetrable web of failure around your whole life."
Sarah Craig

Part of My Morning Ritual

This time I opt for the toothpaste that was NOT created by a famous artist—but STOLE his name (DaVinci—that’s why the Mona Lisa was NOT smiling—she used his toothpaste and ALL her teeth fell out.)—to make my teeth pearly white (it must have ACID in it to remove the plaque). Hope it works, it costs as much as a DaVinci painting (but I HOPE after using it, it’s NOT my Last Supper with teeth). While brushing this time, I pay special attention to my NOW bleeding gums and blood-coated tongue so my breath will not smell like a “Fresh” kill. Soon, I will have such white teeth and wonderful breath people will flock to date me (at least that's what all the TV commercials suggest). The reality is probably more like: vultures will flock above; expecting to eat my leftover kills or sharks will swim in a circle awaiting their chum.

Have cafes gone to the dogs?

August 18, 2007
I just heard that dogs may soon be legal inside café’s in Chicago. But not cigarettes. How does that makes sense? I’d rather have a smoker who I can get away from, sitting across from me. A dog will chew on your shoes while drooling all over short-exposed legs—then hump your leg. And when you try to escape he will follow you and pee on you (marking you as “his” territory). Smokers will politely put out their cigarette (even though they are more addicted to then than crack addicts are to crack)—how polite can they be? A dog is not so polite—it will hump you—then depart without even giving you a goodbye kiss. Plus while humping you he will likely shed, bark and fart without even an apology.

Dogs (pets in general) are NOT children, as much as some people treat them as such. And smoking is an addiction (an addiction that pays for MANY important programs in Chicago—so important, that since they over-increased the cigarette tax and people have either quit smoking or left town to buy their cigarettes, Chicago now must put a tax on bottled water—finally a fair tax!). But dogs don’t get taxed just for being—or for being something their owner is addicted to—even though this is oftentimes the case. Yet dogs are okay at bars/cafes, and cigarettes are not. How does that make ANY sense?

And before you ASSUME I’m a smoker—I quit almost a year ago (and have some issues with the smell)…but I still feel smokers are the ONLY minority who it’s okay to be blatantly and openly bigoted about!!

Mr. Man-ners (from Gas Leaks Bother Me)

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
My boss has a gas problem. He has been farting in front of people (judges, attorneys, etc.) for over 20 something years and no one says anything. Yes, he has done it to me. But today was the last straw. He farted in my area and left a horrible smell behind. I am feeling very disrespected. Can you please tell me how to deal with this without alienating myself?
Gas Leaks Bother Me

Dear Gas Leaks Bother Me:
They bother LOTS of people and kill many people EVERY year! Tell him to have his furnace checked out so NO one has to die! Or maybe he thinks you’re INTO “man smells”. Tell him this is NOT the case and that he should douche so he ONLY passes clean “natural” gas. That MIGHT give him a clue. But I doubt it. Your boss is a SHIT (Stupid Hedonistic Ignorant Twit)—and he’s full of shit too! My suggestion is to SNEAK a whoopee cushion into some IMPORANT meeting and make sure HE sits on it. When that upsets his clients, well, maybe he’ll get a clue! But don’t hold your breath, oops, maybe you should!
Mr. Man-ners

And Now A New Feature...

The cartoon Strange Breed is very funny and will now be featured on my site Wednesday/Friday/Sunday...so keep reading!! Tell me what you think.

A Great Quote...

I found this quote/poem and I love it...can anyone tell me more about it?? I believe it is by an unknown author.


Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk being called sentimental.

To reach out is to risk involvement.

To expose feeling is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk being naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying .

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.

Those who risk nothing do nothing, have nothing, are nothing and become nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn to feel, and change, and grow, and love, and live.

Chained by their servitude, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom. Only people who risk are truly free.

To take a risk is to have faith, to have a trust beyond ourselves.

It is more than fate, it is faith.

10 Commandments for Doctors

1. Thou shall not allow any other doctor to have more patients, even if that means each patient pays $300 for a 15 minute medical exam.
2. Thou shall not allow any profession to rise to the level of God. This is why chiropractors had such issues getting accredited.
3. Thou shall not allow malpractice lawsuits. This is why in many states there is a limit on monetary awards from these “accidents”.
4. Thou shall charge double when a patient misses an appointment (but make excuses when one misses them with a patient).
5. Thou shall honor patient’s parents (and their medical history) because God knows there are LOTS of things you can blame them for (and lots of diseases you can claim your patients got from their bad “genes”).
6. Thou shall never commit murder, but shall also never tell a patient he/she is well when one can charge for a myriad of tests and prescribe a placebo that costs more than a left lung (that is if a left lung was up for sale on EBay). And if they do not pay their bills, then the doctor shall accidently on purpose let them die.
7. Thou shall never commit theft, but shall over charge for services whenever possible. This is so every patient gets to read these 3 important words: customary and reasonable. As in “Not”.
8. Thou shall not lie and say “I hope you’re doing alright today”, but instead shall ask every patient the same idiotic question: “How are you today?” (If they were doing well, they wouldn’t be visiting a doctor!)
9. Thou shall require payment in full if the patient does NOT have medical insurance, because God forbid the doctor take a pro bono patient and not be able to buy his fifth castle in the South of France.
10. Thou shall not drive any car less than 3 times what ones patients drive—meaning anything less than a $100,000 car. This is so every patient knows he’s getting (if not the best) then the most expensive medical care possible.

Don't get me wrong...I dislike murderers.

I really do. I don't take too kindly to men or women (or children for that matter) who take other people's lives. I might be amenable to suicide in the right instances, but not murder (unless it's to save oneself from being murdered, then maybe, but not in war--that's just wrong!).

My point is...I really am NOT trying to discount what anybody does. But in the past 6 months I've gone through some stuff (best left like that--unsaid!) that makes me believe that sometimes, on rare occasions, one is not responsible for what one does. Okay, okay, I'm NOT trying to let anybody off the hook here. Really, I'm not.

But when professional wrestler Chris Benoit killed his wife and son over a couple day period, then committed suicide…you have to admit it was too weird. How could anyone stand to stay in the house? The smell? The knowledge? The depravity? UNLESS, it was the roid-rage? Okay, maybe you don’t believe it…but I do. I had to take steroids for a bad sinus infection. The first time, well, I knew they might make me “a little crazy” or so my doctor said. The second time, I noticed they made me a LOT crazy.

I had these unbelievable thoughts—first, there was the instance with the train. I was getting close to the tracks. The guard rail was coming down, I floored the gas. NEVER have I done something so crazy before—plus I didn’t even seem to care. It didn’t faze me…I didn’t worry about it. It was SO unlike me.

Next was the incident with my eye. Hmm, I thought, my eye hurts (a sign of my sinus infection)….hmm, I thought, maybe I should just RIP it out! And this thought kept occurring day in day out. Thankfully, I stopped the roids before I ripped out the eye. I say thankfully because it was someone else’s eye—JUST kidding, it was my eye. And this did happen. So, I understand roid-rage. It’s real. It happens. Sh*t happens. So maybe, maybe there is something to this whole bit about forgiving those who sinned against you (this from a NONRELGIOUS person!).

I WON...I Won...I won...

This time for real!!!

I won the Droodles Caption Contest...go to the link on above and see it for yourself!

Check OUT my new layout!!

How do you like it? I know...it's not like one I had before....it's a template...boring, I know, but I'm not a designer and I don't know how to design it myself!!!

Any suggestions?

Grey's Anatomy NOT so grey anymore

I'd heard long ago about the "hate" word Isaiah Washington spewed about his costar T.R. Knight and his denial at the Golden Globes. I'd heard about how back in January the Disney Channel had said it was "Unacceptable". Yet I believed they were treating his comments as a "grey" area (not black or white--meaning they would do NOTHING about it) and had done nothing about it for months. So, I was delighted when I heard Disney had fired Washington last week.

Hurray for Hollywood (and Mickey too!).

While I liked the character Washington played (and I've watched Grey's Anatomy since it began), I certainly didn't like what I heard about him. And NOW Washington is saying he was fired because of racism.

The Associated Press reported Washington said:
"My mistake was believing that I would get the support from my network and all of my cast mates across the board. My mistake was believing I could correct a wrong with honesty and sincerity," he said in the interview posted online Thursday.
"My mistake was thinking black people get second chances. I was wrong on all fronts," he said. "Well, it didn't help me on the set that I was a black man who wasn't a mush-mouth Negro walking around with his head in his hands all the time. I didn't speak like I'd just left the plantation and that can be a problem for people sometime," he said.

Let me tell you Mr. Washington:
Your mistake was believing that because you are part of a minority you can say whatever the hell you want about ANOTHER minority.
Your mistake was LYING to the American public instead of offering an apology upfront.
Your mistake was thinking that once you apologized, it's would make it all better.
Your mistake was believing that since you're a star, your sh*t didn't stink!
Your mistake is TRYING to make people believe your firing was based on racism!

Mixing my Metaphors

It's something I do...and we all do...but I liked it so I decided to post it...

Out damn spot--you have no power here!!

It's a tv commercial for laundry detergent...created by william shakespeare and glenda the good witch.