Mr. Man-ners (27): State of Union Address, President Bush, Phillippino Hair Stylist, Sampson, Opinions

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I hear the State of the Union Address is tonight. Do you think the President will speak about anything important?
A Concerned Citizen

Dear A Concerned Citizen:
No! And I do mean no! What I’ve read is that he will speak about energy. Not the war in Iraq. Not the end of the war in Iraq. Not the fact that soldiers are dying in Iraq for no good reason. Not the fact that he’s got his knickers in a bunch because they aimed a bomb at him (though they didn’t get him). Not the fact that Bush thinks this is some kind of get revenge war to serve his own ego—and that he’s made it almost a religious war against the evil non-Christ believers. If you want to know what his plans are for pimping electricity into gas powered engines (hybrids) maybe you’ll be satisfied—but if you’re like a recent survey—you really want to know about the war. Not the war on gas (which Bush is just making MORE expensive) but the war on war!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I have a hair stylist. I keep going. This woman is Philippino. Every time I go I tell her to cut the back and sides short and LEAVE the front alone--just trim off the edges. I’d rather go to a barber, but I can’t find one where I wouldn‘t have to wait an hour or more. This Philippino lady is always open and I can always get in. Do you think if I learned the words in Philippino she might understand them better? It‘s not like she doesn‘t speak English, but I never get the right hair cut.
Too Many Hair Cuts

Dear Too Many Hair Cuts:
I’d say you’re like Sampson who lost all his strength when his hair was cut. Plus you’re missing a few marbles too! Learning Philippino will NOT help you. This woman obviously only knows how to cut men’s hair one way--BADLY. Let me ask you this, if you went to a doctor to have your gallbladder removed and he removed your bladder (it’s close isn’t it?) would you keep going back? NO! At least I wouldn’t. But in your case, I can’t be so sure. Get a new hair stylist/barber. OR get a Flowbee--they‘re still for sale! Just don‘t write me about your stupid hair trouble again--or I‘ll send you some real advice, and a bill to boot!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
How come you always have an opinion on everything? You know what hey say about opinions—like ass*oles, everyone has one.
Not a Fan

Dear Not a Fan:
I know they say you’re a big asshole. That’s what I know. Your opinion doesn’t really count, obviously. You don’t have a column. People don’t read your opinions. And your too stupid to know that in my column, only I swear! If you don’t like what I write—don’t read it. If you must read it, don’t comment on it. And if you feel you must comment on it, write it on a piece of paper and flush it down the toilet—because your opinions are a bunch of shit!
Mr. Man-ners