Housewarming: Cleanup

I had my list of invitees for my housewarming food items. Now I had to make a list of TV guests for the cleanup.

I thought I would invite that balding guy that had the earring before it was popular for a man to have an earring (he must have been born on a pirate ship)—who was that, Mr. Cream—yeah that makes sense, he’s as white as cream. He can make everything that is white, white again. And a few things that aren’t (wink, wink). I will also invite his cousin the White/Black Tornado who was so politically correct he changed his name.

And I need a couple of maids. Maybe that Hey Zel—she was always funny. Plus, I could invite that maid who acted like a man but was dating a butcher who acted like a girl, yeah that’s right, her name was Al Ice. She was a bit cold at times, especially if her butcher boyfriend didn’t give her a big enough prime cut of meat. I don’t think I’ll invite him, but if Al Ice brings him, I’ll just have to pretend I have a braying Bunch (six) of kids and don’t have a clue what she does in our bedrooms when we’re not at home. “Oh, my ‘art’ magazines that were hidden between the mattress and the box spring are missing, have you seen them Al Ice?” the oldest male kid will ask. “They were out of date, so I tossed them (right into my collection of porn),” Al Ice will reply. Thank God the braying bunch isn’t coming to my housewarming party—or all my clean-up people would have to say “Marsh uh, marsh uh, marsh uh!” then click their ruby slippers three times in a row.

I will also invite some TV cartoon/plush friends to help with housewarming cleanup. I’d love those Rubbing Bubbles to come and work over my bathroom. By rubbing each other repeatedly they create a lot of friction—and that anger must come out somewhere—so they can beat my bathroom into shape. Then there’s Puddles the bear who peddles laundry detergent. He does all those commercials where he’s rubbing up against towels (it’s a fetish which makes him piddle, but you never see that on camera). He can supply the detergent, but he can’t touch the towels!

So far, so good. I have my list of cooking invitees and cleanup invitees. Now I just have to create a list of attendee invitees.