Dear Mr. Man-ners: What is “planned obsolescence” and how does it apply to me?”Not in the Know
Dear Not in the Know:
Okay. I’m not a dictionary. But I know the answer to this one! Planned obsolescence (no quotes) is when you buy a small Christmas tree that's supposed to last through Christmas and it dies a week before. Or when you buy those "new" tiny Poinsettias plants as gifts, but they only last 4 days (not even the requisite 12 days of Christmas). This way the manufacturer’s can make you buy more of their product before it obsolescent. Obsolescent is Greek for “wasting money on garbage.” My suggestion is that if a sales person EVER mentions this to you, while you’re purchasing something, don’t buy it! And don’t buy those living Christmas trees or baby Poinsettias—take it from a Schmuck who did (Schmuck is Yiddish for “idiot”).
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Why do some musical groups make it and some don’t. I mean, I don’t think the Beatles were all that. Yet they are touted as the best group ever. What do you think?
Beatles are Just Roaches
Dear Beatles are Just Roaches:
Oddly enough, I agree. But that doesn’t give you the right to make such statements—you’re a schmuck! Now I’m going to get nasty letters from fans. Thanks a lot! Anyhow, to answer your question schmuck, I don’t know. All I know is that there are some phenomenal musicians who don’t make it past first base (no NOT kissing! I mean past the point where they record their own CD). Sometimes labels don’t care if you’re talented—I mean, have you ever heard Anita Baker sing live? Without a studio mixing machine behind her, she’s not all that. Anyhow, you know what they say about opinions (everyone has one, but Mr. Man-ners is always right!). While I’m not in love with the Beatles (please, no letters! Mr. Postman, don’t send me a letter), I do love Brendan Benson’s album Lapaco (I’d say he’s on par with the Beatles without all the drama and some of the drugs--though I can't be sure) and I love Mark McGuinn (if he’d been smart he would have lost the French Beret, I mean that’s why I suspect his terrific debut self-titled album didn’t sell well to the country audience. Who’s ever heard of French country? I have! But it’s all about wine—not beer swigging cowboys). Unfortunately, they may need to do a "Whatever happened to" about these two great singers someday (and that would be a shame). Yet, the Beatles just keep making money (even while they’re dead, they just keep going and going). So, Beatles are Just Roaches, that’s my answer, take it or leave it schmuck.
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
What is the fascination with makeup? Women try it on in the store. They get into car accidents because of it. What’s up with that?
Au Natural
Dear Au Natural:
I doubt you walk around naked all the time. Women love the attention they get when they look pretty. But I’m with you. Many women look better without the play-dough they put on their faces. If they only knew the secret ingredient in these cosmetics. Okay, I’ll tell you what it is. It’s shit! A recent study proved that there is more excrement in department store makeup testers than anywhere else (I’m NOT making this up!). My guess would be it's even more shit than in the New York sewers. What’s up with that? And they say men don’t wash their hands!
Mr. Man-ners
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