Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I have a coworker who keeps adjusting himself. What can I do short of rearranging my bra straps to give him a clue that this is distracting to the points he’s making?
Can’t Stop From Looking
Dear Can’t Stop From Looking:
NOTHING! I was HOPING you’d say “herself.” Have you tried the bra strap trick? If not, invite me over so I can show you how to do it right. If so, he probably thinks you’re coming onto him? If he does the brief rearranging perhaps he’s coming onto you. Unless he does it around everyone. Have you ever considered he might be an ex-baseball player? (clue: if he spits also, you’re onto something!). My suggestion is to mention how your thong is VERY binding—and take it from there. I just hope he’s VERY attractive to you—and he to you—otherwise he might lodge a sexual harassment complaint. Who knows, maybe he has to move around all the critters in his pants—you know the ants!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
You are the rudest and crudest advice columnist ever.
Wanted to Get That Off My Chest
Dear Wanted to Get That Off My Chest:
Well…that’s probably the ONLY thing you have one your chest…no breasts…no hair…no hairy breasts! I may be rude and crude, but people like me. My columns are not meant to be mean, just funny and commonsensical (and THAT is a word—as spell check corrected it for me!). So get off your small breasts…grow some hair….and give it a rest. You read me. Other people read me. The WORLD reads me. I am a God!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I hear that the government is trying to have all political sites register. What do you think of that?
Internet Watcher D
ear Internet Watcher:
I hear the same thing. Big brother is watching! Of course, I never get political—just personal! What ever happened to freedom of speech? What ever happened to letting the people speak their mind? What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? I know—Bush happened! He’s the purveyor of right and wrong—the president that wants to change the constitution—the man who can’t be bothered on 9/11 because he’s speaking to a class of children—a man who can’t be bothered on vacation because New Orleans is under water—the man who MANY people feel should be impeached.
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Did you hear that Britney Spears was caught with her child on her lap? Isn’t she a bad mother?
Celebrity Watcher
Dear Celebrity Watcher:
Stop watching—it’s called stalking! At least Britney didn’t hang her child over a railing—hoping they would fall so she could collect the massive “early death” benefit on the life insurance policy! Who knows what she was thinking? Who cares? She should have had the baby strapped in the child seat in back—like normal people—but then again, maybe Britney just needs to be strapped into a straight jacket!
Mr. Man-ners
No comments:
Post a Comment