Mr. Man-ners (50): Comas, Atrophy, Suicide, President's Approval Rating, Child Abuse, Brian A. Annoreno, Torture, Astrology, S.H.I.T., Bush

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Sometimes I just wish I would go into a coma and wake up 10 years later. Everything would be different. I wouldn’t be gay. I wouldn’t have to deal with work. I wouldn’t have to deal with waking up every morning (I NEVER get enough sleep). Is there anyway I can make this happen?
Coma Seeker

Dear Coma Seeker:
Get over yourself! A coma is NO place to be. Sure, things would be different. The world would have kept moving while you slept (but then you wouldn’t know about ALL the newest crazes and technologies). Plus, your body will have atrophied—and probably your mind too. Oh sorry, that seems to have happened ALREADY! You’re a sicko mofo if you think this will solve your problems—just commit suicide—that way I never had to hear from you again.
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Again, I hear the President’s approval rating went down. Unbelievable!
Political Watcher

Dear Political Watcher:
If ONLY you were a Mr. Man-ners Watcher! It's NOT unbelievable! I predicted this at the get go…I can just hardly wait to see when it gets into the negative numbers! Then it won’t be plus or minus 3 points it will be minus or plus 3 points!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
What’s up with that crazy guy who had sex with his infant daughter and then broadcast it across the Internet?
Appalled

Dear Appalled:
Me too! What a sicko motherfucker. Brian A. Annoreno took part in a live sex-cam site called "Kiddy pics & Kiddyvids" which the government shut down (good for them!). I say we use ancient torture treatments on this guy. Perhaps we cut off parts and feed them to hungry animals…while he watches in agony! How the hell do you get that sick? And how the hell did his mother (who he lived with) NOT know? WTF is going on in that house of turds?
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
What’s your sign?
Astrologist

Dear Astrologist:
Screw you. No screw me. (How come screwing is a cutdown? --it's better to say "Unscrew you!"). What’s it to you? Send me $10 and I’ll let you know. Let’s just say I sting like a Scorpion and I’m NOT full of Bull and I don’t have Cancer and I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. Stop writing me with stupid, smelly shitty questions—you Stupid Hostile Ineffective Twit!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Now I hear that Bush is going to have some kind of time table to get out of Iraq. It all has to do with his approval rating, or some such malarkey. What do you think of that?
Against the War

Dear Against the War:
Oh to be young and to be loved! NOT on both counts for Bush. Why does he care? He’s NOT going to become President again. I don’t see the point. Of course, I never saw the point in his SECOND term(I mean if he couldn’t get it right the first time, how the hell was he EVER going to get it right the second time). And I was RIGHT! He did NOT. I think he’s a weirdo who has major psychological problems. He’s got an inferiority complex. He’s got a small dick. He’s got a tiny brain. That’s what I think!
Mr. Man-ners