Acronymism: A NEW LANGUAGE IS BORN! (think LUG)

There’s a new phenomenon sweeping the nation—it’s called Acronymism. Basically you use acronyms to describe EVERYTHING so NO ONE knows what you’re talking about!

Take for instance the word LUG (which means Lesbian Until Graduation) and is applied to girls who are bisexual in college. When I was in college, we just called them porn stars, but now they’re LUGs. Does that mean that a GUG (Gay Until Graduation) is a guy STUCK in the closet?

Other acronyms that will SOON come into popular speech include:

GUM—Gay Until Middle-Aged (for those late bloomers)
LUM—Lesbian Until Middle-Aged (for those sickened by motherhood)
GUO—Gay Until Old-Aged (for those men who just NEED a change, or who want LUV WHILE they can get hard)
LUO—Lesbian Until Old-Aged (for those women who want SOMETHING, ANYTHING that will give me a good reaming)
SUM—Sexual Until Married (the NORM)
WUM—Whore Until Monogamous (ONLY HAPPENED IN PRETTY WOMAN—and that was a MOVIE)
MUM—Monogamous Until Mistressed (what most married men are)
MUSYI—Monogamous Until Seven Year Itch (what some married men/women are)
TUB—Top Until Bottom (a straight man who has affairs with men)
BUT—Bottom Until Top (a gay man who has affairs with women)
DUO—Dumb Until Oblivious (THINK Farah!)
SUG—Straight Until Gay (a married man who gets divorced)
GUS—Gay Until Straight (a gay man who knocks up a women when he’s in a drunken stupor)
DUL—Dark Until Light (it’s called the beginning of the day: morning—duh!)
LUG—Light Until Dark (it’s called the end of the day: night—when MOST men hope to get some LUV!)
UUD—Up Until Down (it’s CALLED a turnoff!)
DUE—Dull Until Excited (this precedes DUU)
DUU—Down Until Up (it’s what happens when you get NAKED together)
SUS—Smart Until Stupid (it’s what happens when BUSH opens his mouth and talks)
LUV—Lick Until Vertical (it’s what EVERYMAN wants, but NOT what EVERYWOMAN wants to do!)
LUF—Lost Until Found (it precedes FISYCSL)
FISYCSL—Found It So You Can Stop Looking
FUL—Found Until Lost (it’s what EVERYMAN is until he actually stops and ASKS for directions)
RUW—Right Until Wrong (it’s what EVERYMAN is until a woman corrects him)
WUR—Wrong Until Right (it’s what EVERYWOMAN is when she makes a mistake)
HUV—Horizontal Until Vertical (it’s what a BABY when they FINALLY learn how to walk OR what EVERYDRUNK is when they are ARRESTED for sleeping on the curb)
VUH—Vertical Until Horizontal (it’s what EVERYBODY when they go from living to dying)
RUL—Right Until Left (it’s the direction people tell you, when they do NOT know their right from their left)
LUR—Left Until Right (it’s the direction people tell you AFTER they tell you RUL)



CUA—Child Until Adult (it’s what you want to be at age 5)
AUC—Adult Until Child (it’s what happens to ALZHEIMER’S patients)
SUA—Sexual Until Asexual (it’s what HAPPENED when Lorena Bobbitt bobbed her husband’s penis!)
MUW—Man Until Women (EVERY transvestites dream!)
WUM—Woman Until Man (it’s what happens to MANY hermaphrodites!)
GUB—Girl Until Boy (it’s a lesbian thing)
BUG—Boy Until Girl (it’s a gay thing)
TUT—Twin Until Triplet (it’s what NEVER happens)
AUD—Alive Until Dead (it’s what ALWAYS happens)
BUW—Black Until White (it’s ONLY happened once, and JACKO used bleach!)


By making EVERYTHING an acronym, NO one knows what you’re saying. That’s the beauty of this language. It’s JUST LIKE all those foreigners who INSIST upon using their MOTHER tongue so non-foreigners WON’T know what they’re saying! NOW us NON-FORIEGNERS have our own language to confuse and baffle them with!