Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I found this weird site about being out of work. It’s called http://www.askyourass.com/. What do you make of it?
Out of Work
Dear Out of Work:
If it smells like ass….and tastes like ass…it probably is for asses! I'm not sure...but I think the point of this site is to have EVERYONE ask questions...THEN look like asses when they don't get answers! Ask your question there. I tried, but I never saw an answer. I tried again and got this response: "Oops, you've already asked a Question. Sorry, only one question per visitor." (IT SHOUD SAY “Sorry, only one question per ASS”—but alASS it doesn’t). One WONDERS is this site run by a proctologist or what. Try it and tell me if you like it—you Ass!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I heard that the kids in Chicago picked a new color for a CTA line. The color was pink? Why?”
Chicagoan
Dear Chicagoan:
It’s ALL politics! The kids submitted suggestions and the GAY politicians picked pink. That’s MY guess!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I heard there’s some kind of new drug that’s mixed with Rohypnol that prevents raped women from getting pregnant. Have you heard anything about this?
Curious
Dear Curious:
Curiosity killed the cat you twit! I’m NOT telling ANYONE so they can use it, but I’m telling women so they don’t get raped with it! Rohypnol is the date rape drug. THIS IS WHAT I’VE HEARD. SUPPOSEDLY, Progesterex is mixed into a cocktail (along with Rohypnol) so a women can be raped (and not remember it). It’s SUPPOSEDLY a way for rapists (who SHOULD have their balls removed PLUS their dicks!) to prevent an unwanted pregnancy in women (so they won’t be IDed months later by a paternity test). But Progesterex (which is SUPPOSEDLY USED to sterilize horses and other large animals) doesn’t JUST prevent pregnancy in women—it permanently sterilizes them. So if any women has ever had this done wants to take a knife and whack off their rapists dick and balls—I say an eye for an eye is perfectly acceptable in this case (IF IT ALL WERE TRUE!)! HOWEVER, you nincompoop—since this is an URBAN MYTH—that’s been perpetuated by everyone including the Internet and the media—I say, GET A FRIGGIN LIFE! IT’S NOT REAL—IT DOES NOT EXIST!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Sometimes, and it’s not all the time I get this feeling as I drive over a train crossing that a train is coming and that it is going to wipe me and my car off the face of the earth. It’s a strong feeling, but it never happens. What does it mean?
Feelings
Dear Feelings:
Feeling, woe, ho, ho feelings. I make of it that you are either:
1. SUPER paranoid (and need your head shrunk by a professional voodoo priestess).
2. Psychic (and someday this is the way you will DIE—in a fiery blaze of skid marks—think underwear)
3. PLAIN weird (‘nough said).
4. FULL OF SOMETHING (it’s not ESP—it’s Shit! Since you probably make this whole cockamamie story up!).
My final feeling is that I don’t ever hear from you again, I’ll be happy. Because if you’re 1, 3 or 4 you are TOO weird for me. And if you’re 2 you scare me! And if I hear you died in a train/car collision, well, I don’t care, I don’t care. I don’t care.
Mr. Man-ners
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