EXECUTIVE RULEs 3 & 4 & 5

As I mentioned in Executive Rule 1 & 2 there are MANY more rules that executives SHOULD have to adhere to. I’m NOT talking about rules against drug use or illegal activities. What I’m talking about are the guidelines, we as middle managers and peons expect from our leaders!

Anyone who makes $100,000 or more will henceforth be considered an executive. These employees should follow the following rules or lose their title, money and ultimately their privileged lives (NO I’m NOT advocating murder!).The following rules are for MALE executives:

• If a male executive wants to date an underling (and/or marry her) he will NOT treat this woman differently (for better or worse!) than any of the other people at work. If he buys this date a full-length mink for those cold frosty mornings when she must walk two feet from HIS Mercedes to the front door, the EXECUTIVE will HAVE to buy EVERY female employee a mink coat as well. THIS will cut down on women at work marrying for the money—because if they are a gold-digger—after a couple of mink coats (and EVERY WOMAN at work getting one) the rich executive would be broke and bankrupt ! This would ALSO alleviate any potential EXECUTIVE ENVY (similar to PENIS ENVY, but based on a bigger paycheck/benefits, e.g. mink coats!) at work.

• Executives who constantly divorce older wives for younger women, should think twice, because every time an executive is remarried—he will have to invite the entire company to the wedding. Including sending every one of them airfare. Even the people in Juno, Alaska. This would reduce the amount of marriages executives have (forcing many of them to stay married—which looks morally good on paper for the company). And fornication outside of marriage would be punished at a rate of one year’s salary for every act of oral satisfaction. Be it kissing or other more sophisticated forms of oral enjoyment. Other orifices will cost two years salary (this money will come out of the executive’s 401K savings!). As would the cost of the detective that took these photos. Thus if an executive does this, he will have to pay all this money, plus the IRS penalties (if he cannot repay this money back into the IRS account before the end of the year)!

• Every executive will sign a release form stating that he will adhere to the terms of these rules. If legal action is EVER brought against the corporation for any reason, this executives will become the mailroom’s bitch (meaning they have to make EVERYONE in the mailroom coffee, take orders from them, and wipe their assess).