Buzz Goes to Work

Hi, Musca Domestica, here again. Call me Buzz…bzzz. My owner does. the I'm a houze...bzzz...fly.W ell, I wanted to get out and live for the zhort…bzzz…time I have left on this Earth. Don’t feel zorry…bzzz…for me. My life haz…bzzz…been good zo…bzzz...far. I decided to go to work with my owner…I just hitched a ride…right on my owner’z…bzzz…black leather jacket. He didn’t even notize…bzzz…I was joining him or leaving the houze…bzzz.

The trip was unspectacular. He walked to his car and drove us to work. Though I did like the warm air blowing on me from the vent. It dried my underwings. Never let them see you sweat! When we arrived, I noticed that the place was so neat inside. Well-lit and immaculate—guess I won’t get any snack like at home in his sink. decided onze…bzzz…my owner landed at his cubicle….to zee…what the place waz…bzzz…really like. He’z…bzzz…usually gone for eight hourz…bzzz…actually more….zo…bzzz….I took off flying for a few hourz….bzzz. It waz…bzzz….great fun.

Because humanz…bzzz…are alwayz…bzzz talking about how great it would be to a fly on the wall…I decided to try it. There were zree…bzzz….floorz….I’m talking az…bzzz...I…fly….zo…bzzz…my lizzzp…bzzz…iz…bzzz…pronounzed…bzzz. Sorry…bzzz,….about zat…bzzz. I’ll land and tell you what I zaw….bzzz.

First, I landed in an office marked CEO. It was very large. That’s better. That lizzzp…bzzz…is even annoying to me and I’ve had to deal with it for years, I mean days. Well my days are like years (as I explained earlier—I’m now 30 day-years old—and housefly years are like human days). Now for my owner’s boss, the CEO.

I watched as this man made phone calls. First, he called his wife. Then his mistress. Then his mistress’s mistress. Boring…I’ve had many larvae in my years, days of life. And I hatched them too! Now the CEO has a meeting with an employee, a female, about how she felt he was sexually harassing her. Boring—I’m on the fly. Zoon…bzzz…I’ll be somewhere…bzzz…else…bzzz. That pretty young employee zaw...bzzz...me and ztarted...bzzz...acting like I was a bee or something (what is she, blind?>. And I thought houzefliez...bzzz...bzzz...had bad zight...bzzz. I don’t get no respect. Of course, the CEO man, he rushed to her defense with a file in hand. Like he could catch me. Hey, what’z…bzzz…that on hiz...bzzz...dezk…bzzz? It’z…bzzz…a pinkzlip…bzzz—and it’z….bzzz…got my owner’z…bzzz…name on it. Hey, the CEO almozt….bzzz…got me. Damn! I’ve zeen…bzzz…zose…bzzz….before even though I don’t work (uzually….bzzz….they’re covered in the fired employee’z…bzzz…zhit…bzzz). No need for me to work—I eat zhit…bzzz—sometimez…bzzz…off thoze…bzzz…pinkzlipz…bzzz…bzzz (well, I used to eat zhit…bzzz…before I became a recovering addict) and I zleep…bzzz…wherever I want. The nice young employee left the office. I’ll buzz…bzzz…the CEO one more time…cauze…bzzz…well, cauze…bzzz…I want to annoy him. What’z…bzzz…that in hiz…bzzz…hand now. A picture…of that nize…bzzz…young woman who claimed he zezually…bzzz…bzzz…harrazzed…bzzz…her. Hmm, I’ve got an idea.

I can’t let my owner be fired—he will be devastated. Might even zell…bzzz…our home. I can’t have that. I’d be up the creek without a paddle. How do I help him? I’ve got to fly away before the CEO can catch me. Zomeone…bzzz…haz…bzzz…to warn my owner. He doezn’t…bzzz…deserve…bzzz…thiz…bzzz…zhit…bzzz. Hey, the bozz…bzzz…he’z…bzzz…ztill…bzzz…trying to play zwat…bzzz…the fly. I’m not even in the room. What a dumbazz…bzzz…bzzz. He’z…bzzz…zo...bzzz…he really wantz…bzzz…to kill me

Zo…bzzz…I buzzed…bzzz….back to the wall. And I see where the boss stashes the picture when he thinks I’m gone Top right file drawer. Now, I’ve got a plan. I wait…, I wait…, and I wait. I don’t have to go anywhere, except it’s getting late and I do have to catch a leather coat home. Finally, the boss calls my owner into the office—and starts to fire him. “Sam,” he says, “You’re work isn’t quite what it used to be.” “It’s this damned fly,” my owner says. The boss gets real excited, as if my owner is speaking of his own fly—what a horndog! So…now, I start flying. I land here. I land there. Finally, the bozz…bzzz...iz…bzzz…zo…bzzz….annoyed, he’s looking for anything to hit me with. I land on the file cabinet handle. He grabs it. Zorry…bzzz…mizter,…bzzz…you mizzed…bzzz…me. So I go inzide...bzzz...the cabinet…the bozz…bzzz…he’z…bzzz…infuriated and pullz…bzzz…out the filez….and I land…on the file with the picture. The bozz…he grabz…bzzz…for it…and the picture fallz…bzzz…out. And my owner zees…bzzz…it and doezn’t…bzzz…get fired.

My owner figured the whole thing out. Exzept…bzzz…my part. He’z….bzzz…going to get fired…I zaved…bzzz…my home. I can grow old there…at least…bzzz…another thirty…bzzz...dayz…bzzz. And when my owner decided to leave for the day, early—I landed on his leather coat. I thought we were going home. But I waz…bzzz…mistaken. We’re off to the bar: I'm so exzited…bzzz….becauze...bzzz…I just LOVE beer. It gets me buzzed…bzzz.