Kids v. Adults

It’s so funny how we always want what we don’t have. As kids, we looked forward to the day when we could be adults, when we could drive, when we could rent/own our own homes, when we could have our own job, when we could make our own decisions. But as adults, we KNOW that these things just aren’t as wonderful as all that. Plus, as adults, we yearn for those bygone days when we were kids and did NOT have to pay car insurance, pay the mortgage, work 50 hour weeks (to pay for these things) and all the HARD (including what to do WHEN we got hard) decisions were made for us.

There are lots of benefits to being kids. Benefits kids just don’t know about, but as adults, we do. Below is a list of some benefits to being a kid:

1. Not owning a car meant: NO car payment every month. As a kid, there was NO car insurance every month, three months, six months, or yearly—EVER. Especially, when you had NOT yet reached driving age. There were NO car-upkeep costs. As adults, many of us have opted NOT to do something, so we could pay for a car repair, a car payment, or car insurance? Raise your hand if you fall into THIS category! I bet we all did.


2. Not having a rental payment or mortgage payment meant: ALL your money was disposable. As kids, we spent money on movies, games, candy, whores (oops, only older kids did this!) and fun. As adults, we spend our money on bills, bills, bills, the occasional whore (oops, only those adults who can afford this, do it!), and keeping the bill collector away from our door.


3. Not having any responsibility meant: NO one expected you anywhere, so you could go anywhere, say anything, and be anyone you wanted to be. As kids, we never had a schedule that we couldn’t break for ANY reason. As adults, we have to be everywhere on time (UNLESS you’re a doctor who ALWAYS runs late, then you can charge your patients for missed appointments, even though you make them wait hours for a five minute consultation that costs $200) or risk getting charged for a service we didn’t receive (even whores have a cancellation policy!). Plus, if we’re consistently late for work, we get fired, so we can’t even afford being serviced!


4. Not having to make any decisions meant: NO one expected you to know what you wanted, or make any tough decisions. As kids, we just left it up to our parents to decide if we needed a COSTLY medical procedure (which might blind, maim, or even make our penis fall off). As adults, we have to make ALL these hard (or NOT so hard, if your penis falls off) decisions ourselves; including whether to risk major surgery or try an alternative treatment of sugar and spice and everything nice (for cancer). On top of this, we MUST pay the bills for all these expensive choices. This includes the choice to call China for an Internet date when we can barely pay for the STD treatments (or risk having your penis fall off) from the previous Internet date.

So, kids it’s NOT so great to be an adult. However, I understand, I was a kid once too, it’s NOT so great to be a kid either. Isn’t there any middle ground here? Isn’t there any way where we could have all our bills paid and all our decisions made and we could just have fun? Sure, but then we would just ALL be whores. Sounds fun, count me in!