The Perfect Gift

With Christmas coming up, it makes me wonder about gifts. I love gifts and I hate gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get the perfect gift. But let’s get real, who ever gives the perfect gift? I’ve received some cool stuff in my day. Everything from a desktop computer to a pair of angels made in Mexico. But were they the perfect gift?

The perfect gift must come from either a. the person you feel closest too (meaning your lover, mate, or husband/wife—not a fur ball from the cat), b. must be well thought out without being something on a list (the computer was on a list, even though I never thought I’d get it—now if I’d gotten the Porsche I ask for every year, it wouldn’t have been the perfect gift, that would have been the Mercedes I never put on the list) c. must come with no strings attached (what am I stupid! Get real! No, I mean it—if you must stay with someone/do something for someone/reciprocate with a like gift—well it’s not perfect). d. must be perfect at the time (this means if I put it on my list last year and have forgotten all about it and might not even want it this year, it’s not perfect). e. must be something that will make my life easier (meaning not an appliance/clothes/or something I have to return) e. must not be something I’ve been hinting at or asking for over the last few months/years (meaning don’t get me anything I want, get me something I want but am afraid to ask for or don’t even know I want/need).

Okay, so the perfect gift is rare. I’ll admit it. It’s hard to find. It’s hard to buy. I try every season to find these elusive gifts for friends/family. What do I end up getting them? Things I think are perfect for them. Of coruse, a week later they ask me, “Do you mind if I take your gift back, I got six nose hair trimmers that play music in the shower?” I always say, “Here’s the receipt,” but I’m secretly thinking, I took back the one that scrubbed your back too, damn it, I bet you didn’t get even one of those!

So I’ve figured out what the perfect gift is: Love! Oh, I’m schmaltzy, but not that schmaltzy. Love is imperfect too (take if from a romantic cynic). The perfect gift is really something else. And I’ve been a big naysayer about these things for years: Gift Cards. Okay, on the surface they look tired and lazy. Maybe. But at least someone doesn’t have to return them. They fit everyone’s wallet. They are never the wrong color or the wrong size (well, usually they’re not big enough, but isn't that always the case). Plus, the person can keep receiving your gift for months or years (depending on their size) to come—and remember just how lazy (err, I mean thoughtful) you were.

I say, even if gift cards seem easy, at least I thought about which store to buy them at. An added benefit is that I didn’t spend 12 hours agonizing over the toe nail trimmers with the hula girl dancing on them (to remind you of our trip to Hawaii) or 30 days praying that the price would go down on some electronic (knowing that if you didn’t like it—all you could was get a “store credit”). So I say…give the gift that keeps on giving (no not a STD) a gift card.