Fashion (Non)Sense

Am I behind the times or what? I recently visited a store, which I won’t mention, but its initials are AB&F. Here I saw the newest fashion: Ripped up jeans and crumpled wrinkled dress shirts. You have to be kidding. I usually throw my pants out when they get this ripped up. Yet they wanted over $100 for some of these jeans (they looked like they threw them into shark-infested water with blood on them). In addition, I usually avoid anything that’s not “wrinkle-free” in my shirts. Had I known, I would have taken those all-cotton shirts I was going to use as rags and worn them to work.

I must have fashion all wrong. I was dressing all corporate, dress shirt and pressed slacks when the fashion is cotton shirts where the collar shrunk so it looks like it’s inside out (and it’s so wrinkled that it looks like I slept in it the entire last year) and pants that look like some vicious animals had a tugging match with them.

For years, I’ve been ironing my shirts and mending my pants. I’ve been making dry cleaners and tailors rich. I’ve been having my pants taken up so they didn’t drag on the floor. Now I find out that I didn’t need to do this. To be in style, I should have worn wrinkly shirts and ripped jeans and pants that were twenty-two inches too long, balled at my feet.

Or is this just kid’s fashion. Like those pants that hung two inches below their crotches and made them look like “gang”-ster members! I always thought this was the kid’s way of rebelling against their parents who looked prim and proper when they went to their jobs. Perhaps, this is just another trend. Another way to dis’ the establishment. Dis’ the corporate world that frowns upon crumpled shirts, ripped pants and clothes that don’t accentuate the body. Or are kids dissing the body all together?

I don’t know. But I’ll tell you one thing, fashion changes in one New York minute (meaning a second). I don’t like it. So, this year, I decided to try to get a jump on the fashion mavens. I’ve come up with what I suspect is the next fashion trend (based on current fashions). It’s all ready for next year. I have this old wrinkled shirt with food, blood and paint stains on it, plus a pair of cut off work pants with notorious snail trails (odiferous ones) on their butt cheeks. For shoes, I’ve got a pair of white gym shoes (which I will have some famous sports star hawk) that are now streaked and dirty (I will soon start selling these for the small price of just $200/pair—it’s a great deal, I get to break them in then resell them). I’m all set for next year’s fashion. That is, unless of course, the yuppie look is back.