Mr. Man-ners (8): Smashed, Drunk, Tootsie Pop, Management, Scared of Change, God, Famous Singers, Cards, Christmas, Bible, Nude Beach, Michael Vale

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I’ve got a question that relates to New Year’s Eve. How many drinks can one have before one is drunk?
Don’t Want to Get Smashed

Dear Don’t Want to Get Smashed:
This is a stupid question. It takes as many drinks to get drunk as it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Three. Doesn’t everyone know that?
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
My department is undergoing some major changes. The management hasn’t told us anything. They’ve just taken all our work away and given it to other people. Now they tell us we’ll all be doing something different for the new year. What do you make of this?
Scared of Change

Dear Scared of Change:
I’d say to fear for your job, except that most companies that take away work, would just fire you (right before Christmas)--that’s usually their Christmas gift to the laid off employees. I don’t know what to make of it. My suggestion is to go with the flow, until such time as the corporate toilet backs up all over you. Keep your eyes peeled for other jobs within or outside your company because God knows you may hate the new job. I’m assuming they haven’t changed your title or given you any kind of raise. That would be typical. No doubt they’ll expect more work for the same pay--get ready to jump ship like the other rats!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners
I’m in love with a famous singer. I’ve written him letters and sent cards and even sent him a Christmas gift. But so far, no word. What should I do next so he’ll notice me.
Hot for a Hot Shot

Dear Hot for a Hot Shot:
My theory is that he’s notices you already. He’s probably got a gaggle of security who have a picture of you, just in case you should show up at his door and stalk him. You’re NOT doing that, are you? I hope not, because if I were him I’d tell my security people to shoot first and ask questions later. How the hell can you be in love with someone you’ve never met? Get a life, stalk someone in your own socioeconomic bracket--this means NOT me!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I recently went to an art museum and was taken aback by how many of these so-called famous pieces of art are naked people. Can you explain to me why?
A Reverend

Dear A Reverend:
Don’t you read the Bible? Adam and Ever were naked! People are born naked. Plus, most of the famous art was created in Europe (as America was only born about 200 years ago--and they went through their Puritan phase--of “no nakedness” back then). Europeans have always walked around naked. That’s why they have nude beaches. I say if you don’t like the art in museums, if you don’t like nakedness, join a monastery (but don’t look at the art on the walls!).
Mr. Man-ners (Advocate for nakedness EVERYWHERE)

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I’m so sad. Did you hear the guy who said that famous line “Time to make the doughnuts” died this week. I really liked him. Now whose going to make the doughnuts.
The Sky is Falling

Dear The Sky is Falling:
The sky is NOT falling. I was also saddened to hear that Michael Vale died. But I have to say that people will still make doughnuts (and better than Dunkin’ Doughnuts I might add). It’s sad when good people die--but it’s worse when people who don’t know them take it on as their own grief. For God’s sake, get some psychological help! Otherwise you’ll end up like that stalker--except you’ll be throwing yourself into this poor man’s coffin. That would be the real crime.
Mr. Man-ners