Dear Mr. Man-whore:
Every time you write something it has some sexual reference. Do you like whores? Do you love whores? Or are you just a big whore?
Curious Real Man
Dear Curious Real Man:
It takes one to know you. Am I speaking of the man or the whore? Learn how to spell--it’s Man-ners. Something you don’t have any of! You know and I know that all we men ever think about is sex. So, if we could, we would be whores. As it is, all you can ever be is a bastard to your whore mother. Stop writing me or I'll send my reader “Disgruntled (POSTAL) Employee” to deliver a Uni-bomber type gift toyou!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I agree with your previous movie reviews. I haven’t agreed with anyone in a long time. So, I’m asking, really begging, for your opinion. My boyfriend (okay, so I’m gay, but I’m a VERY ungay gay man, I should be called the “unstraight”--I mean how many gay men can’t cook, clean, vogue or decorate?) asked me to go with him to see Brokeback mountain. I thought he said “bareback” mountain. I figured it was some kind of porno, you know. But it wasn’t. It was about two gay (or bi, who knows?) guys who find they love each other in 1963 and can’t be together. So, even after I found out it wasn’t a porno (yes, I’ll admit it, I was disappointed) I agreed to see it. I had my fears. But amazingly, the crowd (and there was one, which pleased me) were not bigots. Still, this movies has gotten all these awards and I just don’t understand why. Not that the love story wasn’t poignant. It was. But the movie felt too long. And some parts didn’t feel like they held together too well (what’s the likelihood a small town woman is going to be okay with her son’s lover coming into her house?). My boyfriend and I had a few fights over this. He claims, if I don’t understand why the movie was so good, then we’re over. What should I do?
No Potshots Please
Dear No Potshots Please:
Just reading your letter broke my…back! Not my heart. Your boyfriend is a turd. I am NOT a movie critic. And I did NOT see this movie. But everyone has the right to an opinion--why do you think there are so many asshole critics? If your not understanding this movie made him that upset and angry, HE has a problem. And NEVER mention that word barebacking in my column again---otherwise I’ll have to horsewhip you (you were talking about riding a horse without a saddle weren’t you?)!
Mr. Man-ners
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