Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I’m a shopper. When I see something I want, I buy it. My real passion is clothes. I’ve have more Prada than the original designer owns. One day, my fiancé’ noticed I bought some more silk sheets (they were so beautiful) and she screamed at me. Well, actually she screamed at me after she saw all the unopened silk sheet sets I had in my linen closet. She said I had a problem. Do you think I have a problem?
Designer Addict
Dear Designer Addict:
Yes. You have a problem. You’re gay! At least it sounds that way to me. While that’s not the problem you’re referring to, it might be a problem for your fiancé. You are a shop-aholic. They have support groups for this addiction--they’re called Credit Card Cutups. Actually, there is no such thing--but there should be! Especially with all the bankruptcies we have in the great USA. Do yourself a favor--buy yourself one good shrink (once you start getting your head shrunk your doctor will never let you go). Plus, well you know what happens once something shrinks, it never really fit’s the same way again--just don’t go shopping for a new head and fall off the wagon (a new head might not help anyway). Do what everyone else with an addiction (clothing, credit cards, alcohol, narcotics, a person, psychoanalysis) does--Deal with it! What an idiot!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
My fiancé wants me to do everything. I wash his clothes, make his dinner, darn his socks. Soon, I’m afraid, he’ll even want me to bathe and burp him. He already has me clipping his toenails (he even gave me a gold plated pair of clippers for our anniversary). Do you have any suggestions?
Not June Cleaver
Dear Not June Cleaver:
What is it with all these engaged people? Don’t people just live together in sin anymore! I hope so. My answer to you is that you are INDEED June Cleaver. Your fiancé is obviously a taker. You’re a giver. Not necessarily a bad thing--just the way it is. Still, it sounds like your kissing his ass (are you vying for his forgiveness for some reason?). Soon, you will be wiping his ass. Unless you want to be a mother before you're pregnant, GET THE HELL OUT! While, the getting is good. Don’t waste anymore time with this looser (imagine a letter L made with my middle finger and thumb). If, however, you desire (or need, as in a fetish) to clip a man’s toenails, I’m available--and mine are really long! Hint, hint, wink, wink.
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:What do you think of psychic abilities? Are they real?
Unsure
Dear Unsure:
If you’re don‘t know, you sure aren’t psychic! I say believe what you want to believe. We all do. We all want to believe in life after death (because we NEVER finish what we start in life). What is real? My reality is your fantasy! I know, I know, I am a God and everyone wants to be me. Screw off! It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to.
Mr. Man-ners
No comments:
Post a Comment