Mr. Man-ners (35): Stupidity & Writing, Numerology, Number 13, Olympics & Figure Skating & Luging, Sarcasm & Potty Mouths, Mammoires & Mrs. Manners,

Dr. Mr. Man-ners,
Where the hell did you learn to count? You posted your 32nd column and then you posted your 34th column……HELLLLLOOOOOO!!!! What happened to the 33rd column?
Sincerely,
A Really Good Counter

Dear A Really Good Counter:
Didn’t you know that 33 is an EVIL number, just like 13? At least that’s what BLOGGER my blog/column host thinks! It rejected my blog and saved it as a draft! How dumb am I? I posted them all. So, how dumb are you? My question to you is: How many bullets does it take to kill a really good counter? Or even produce the tears of a clown? ONE! Just remember that while your clowns may be at the circus, the circus isn’t in town. Meaning your elevator doesn’t go to the top floor, it stops on ONE! It’s NOT nice to fuck with Mother Nature—or with Mr. Man-ners!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I hear that women’s favorite Olympic sport is figure skating and men’s is luging. I wonder why?
Olympics Fan

Dear Olympics Fan:
Doesn’t make ANY sense to me. I understand women like the romance of two people dancing arm and arm (that’s why they like BALLroom dancing, emphasis on the ball—and since figure skating is similar, that makes sense). I also know one other thing—while women may like BALLroom dancing, they certainly don’t like balling! However, many of them LOVE man bashing. Perhaps that’s why men like to watch as other men, crammed on top of each other slide down windy hills in the men’s double luge. They’re used to fitting into tiny spaces (anything to get away from women!). Plus it’s got some pornographic connotations, if you can believe it. And all men like porn (it doesn’t really matter what kind if you can believe BALLbashing women)—and it’s similar to the icy reception men get from women when they want to ball—and isn’t the luge tunnel like the birth canal—and Freud would have a field day with this. Even if it is ALL bullshit, because I made it all up! But I had you ALL going there. Just so you know this is how I feel about the Olympics: I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I have a coworker who’s just plain sarcastic all the time. How do I tell him to shut the f*ck up?
Wanna Know

Dear Wanna Know:
With your potty mouth—and stupidity—I’m surprised he hasn’t taken you out! I am the ONLY one who can swear in my damned column, don’t you know that you mofo? How stupid are you? Did you mother drop you on your head, from a balcony? Sarcasm isn’t a bad thing—it’s stupid people who don’t like sarcasm who are bad things!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Thanks for the mammories.
A Friend

Dear A Friend:
You’re no friend of mine. You must have me mistaken with Mrs. Manners. No relation.
Mr. Man-ners