Dear Mr. Man-ners: I’m having one of those days. All I want to do is bitch and complain. What do you suggest?Long Day
Dear Long Day: I suggest you tell someone who cares—I don’t!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Why is it that you think people don’t actually hear what other people say, but assume they understand the question? Do you think most people are so wrapped up in their own issues that they just stop listening?Questioning Questions
Dear Questioning Questions:
What? I wasn’t listening. Okay, I fell asleep reading your long question. I’ll admit it. Perhaps people stop listening when what is being said is plain lame! Or too long! Or interrupting their TV time. I don’t know. And you know what? I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man Fart:
You stink. All your advice stinks. And I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
NOT A Big Fan
Dear NOT A Big Fan:
Well said. But if you reaaaaally didn’t care, you wouldn’t have spent the time and energy to tell me so. You are just a big loser who wants his letter in my column—so you do care, you do care, you do care. But I think I misspelled your name, it’s REALLY A Big SNOT Fan. Because you’re full of phlegm.
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Do you really make any money with this stupid column? I mean you don’t seem to have many letters—and from what I can read—well, they’re all from idiots like yourself.
Inquiring
Dear Inquiring:
If I told you how much I made from this column you’d shit your pants! Oh, that’s right, you already did. That’s what stinks in here. It takes a piece of shit to call me an idiot—and you’re one big poop. Remember what your mother told you, if you can’t say something nice about someone, well then you’re human. But if you can’t say something nice to Mr. Man-ners, then go directly to Hell!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I have this problem. You see, well, I don’t know if this is the right forum, but well, I don’t know who else to turn to, and you seem like you might know a lot about the world, and I figured, well, what the hell, I’d give you a chance. It’s better than a swift kick in the rump, even though to be perfectly honest, well, I kind of like that kind of thing, if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? Well, my problem is, that well, I can’t…(REDUCED DUE TO LENGTH OF MUMBLING)
HELP!
Dear HELP!
I know you have problems. First you’re stupid. Who do you think I am? Your mother? Your lover? Your therapist? You sent me a 5 page letter, just like the mumbling above. Did you REALLY think I would read it to the end? Are you that foolish? That lonely? That bad an English grammar (LEARN what a run on sentence is, and STOP using them, for God’s sake! Then get yourself into therapy. You’re way too fearful of rejection to live in this world we call a world. Until that time, NEVER WRITE ME AGAIN! Damn, what is it a full moon or something?Mr. Man-ners
1 comment:
Post a Comment