Mr. Man-ners (47): Immigration Rally, Illegal Immigrants, Transvestites

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Did you hear—they had some kind of rally to support illegal immigrants in the downtown Chicago area? Just thought you’d want to know—avoid it today! Unless you want to be the target of these people ripping you off, stealing your jobs and NOT speaking English!
A Concerned Citizen

Dear A Concerned Citizen:
What are you a racist, discriminatory dingbat? These people have a right to hold a rally if they want. And it was NOT for illegal immigrants—it was to STOP a law that will limit illegal immigrants from coming over the border. I’m NOT sure how I feel about it to be honest. I believe that America was built on the premise of being a melting pot—HELL, we were all immigrants at one point. Not one of us was born here (UNLESS you’re talking about the American Indians, who the U.S. government has all but decimated!). So…how do I feel? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Get back to me when you how a clue about how people deserve RESPECT (R-E-S-P-E-C-T)! Just because people are different (don’t speak English) doesn’t mean they’re not good people. Take a hint from someone who visited Europe (AND thought we were so SMART—not allowing Spanish as our second language)—American’s are the most pompous group, most other countries teach at LEAST two languages (usually English is one of them). In America we’re lucky if our students actually LEARN one!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I’m a man who likes to wear dresses. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT gay. Those people are sick b*stards, I’m just a man who likes to let it ALL hang out. Okay, so it turns me on too. But I’m not sick, I’m not sick. How should I broach this topic with my wife?
Likes Dresses

Dear Likes Dresses:
Are you brainless? And dickless too? (this would make sense with the dresses!). I’m the ONLY one who can swear in this column! I like dresses too—but ON women! Until such time as you grow two tits and a c*nt (ONLY spelled out to respect my female readers. Who am I kidding? It’s so I get some in the next millennium) in front, STOP wearing dresses! But if you insist upon doing it—YET you don’t think you’re sick (I think thou doest protest TOO much!)—stop slinging the hate! Okay, I understand that women have more choices in clothes—I understand that it’s nice to let the gonads roam free—I understand that silk feels good on your naked body—what I don’t understand is WHY it’s the ONLY thing that will get you excited! People who live in glass houses shouldn’t walk around naked—or in DRESSES if they’re MEN—OR throw stones! Now, I know I haven’t answered your original question—so I will try. Tell your wife how lovely HER dress looks—and ask if you can try it on. Oops, I guess that ONLY works if your wife is HUGE. Okay, see if you can exchange underwear (many women like men’s boxers)—then make it a kind of bedtime game from there. And please, PLEASE, do NOT let me know how it went!
Mr. Man-ners