Mr. Man-ners (55): Knock Knock Jokes, Alligators, WMD, Dick Cheney, Buttholes, Coworkers, Smoking, Chuck Mangione, Gerry Rafferty, Al Dente

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I’ve got a question for you. What do you do when an alligator knocks on your door?
Knock Knock

Dear Knock Knock:
I’m NOT biting. Orange you glad I didn’t! Okay, so UNFORTUNATELY yours is NOT a knock knock joke—as much as you were TRYING to trick into believing it was, you putz! The answer is “Anything he wants!” Or like Lori Pachelli, you don’t open the door to your Bonita Springs, Florida home. Because just like in her case, he’ll probably figure no one is home and leave! (check out the story here: www.thegookins.net/?p=288)
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Did you hear we have a new secret weapon? It’s a new WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction)? It’s Dick Cheney—if we don’t like a leader of another country we ask them to go hunting with Dick.
Cheney Watcher

Dear Dick Watcher:
Watch me pee ALL over your stupid letter! Then SURF my butthole with it! Okay, I’ll admit it…your letter was funny. But what’s funnier is this: If Dick Cheney can’t even aim his rifle and proceeds to shoot s a comrade with friendly fire—how the HELL do we think this administration is EVER going to get ANY of our men out of Iraq alive?
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
One of my VERY annoying coworkers walked past me while I was smoking outside and said, "That's a REALLY annoying habit and you really ought to give that up. You know it's a long hike in the next building." Now, I’m not sure, but I BET she NEVER would have said that to me if I were in a higher position than her. What could I have said in response?
Coworker Is Annoying

Dear Coworker Is Annoying:
You should have said: "Your personality is annoying; you really ought to give that up. But since you won't, I'll keep smoking. And I don't mind walking further if it keeps you away from me longer. Let's just call it a draw." And you’re probably right, this women probably would NOT have said anything if you were her boss—I’d say she NEEDS to get laid. But I don’t know anyone DESPERATE enough to do it!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I love that song by Chuck Manicotti called Baker Street. What do you think?Manicotti Lover

Dear Manicotti Lover: I say your brains are limp noodles! It’s NOT Manicotti, though it’s a common error—Chuck (a cut of beef)—Manicotti (an Italian noodle dish)—baker (one who bakes). It’s common enough for a NINCOMPOOP! HOWEVER, Chuck Mangione (the person YOU thought it was) NEVER sang that song…it was Gerry Rafferty. The song is great—but you’re worth about two dribbles off a drunk’s dick! Get a clue, shift for brains—if you love something set it free—free, that is, from your al dente noodle brain (meaning your brain is JUST firm enough so it does NOT leak from your ears)!
Mr. Man-ners