It's Magic!

J. K. Rowling is planning on killing Harry Potter. Or so the rumor goes. How could she do that to someone who made her famous and rich? Unless….she plans on creating a new enterprise. Something similar, but different. Something instantly recognizable as her own.

Something like….

Dairy Prodder (A man and his charming prod and how the sound of his commands are so electric the cattle do as he commands. He’s the Cattle Piper—NOT the Pied Piper)

Hairy Plotter (Can a man with hairy arms keep from getting them torn off in his plotter printer? Is there some spell that will stop this from happening?)

Carrie Clotter (Carrie got her period and went on a rampage. If she had ONLY clotted…her powers could have been used for good, not evil)

Ferry Sodomy/Fairy Rodder (The pornographic story of gay men and their magical sexual wands and their sheaths!)

Jerry Sprodder (What is a spod? Who knows? Who cares? The people who watch this daytime talk show reveal secrets about their lives that ONLY a wizard could find out—a wizard with a long microphone wand, that is!)

Larry Trotter (The story of a brother who didn’t have the love of his family…who didn’t have a successful restaurant…but who DID live in an alternate reality…full of flying…magic…and psychotropic drugs!)

Mary Totter (The story of a happy drunk who believed she could fly…but took a short walk off a long pier….than flew right to the bottom of the ocean.)

Terry Potter (A man with only clay and his hands…can build almost anything…he’s Godlike.)

Airy Carotid (Veins that float… invisible arteries. The story of ghosts.)

Stairy Godder (Go up and up and up…. this Stairway to Heaven. What a magical time it will be….to visit with God in his kingdom in the sky…NO flying device, e.g., broom required)

Berry Blotter (This magical device—commonly known as feet—magically creates wine.)

Smeary Blotter (The futuristic bleach stick removes any stains…blood…wine…grass...NOT magically, but technologically BY magic!)

Contrary Imprimatur (Sounds impossible…a contrary form of explicit approval…contrary approval…well “oh, ho, ho it’s magic…I know…never believe it’s not so”)

Scary Jotter (This magical being…saves lives….cures diseases....he’s scary…but EVERYONE treats him like a God, even though he has handwriting ONLY a pharmacist can read. The life of a doctor.)

Merry Yachter (See and Harry didn’t think he had anything wonderful…but his parents left him EVERYTHING. This is the story of a penniless orphan who became rich when he reached age 12…sounds like Harry, but it isn’t.)

Kerry Otter (A wondrous animal that could swim and walk….and even talk to other animals…under the water. And with a wave of its magical teeth and tale it was able to create wooden structures from a pile of leftover trees. Oddly enough, it was a rare offspring between an otter and a beaver)

Wary Squatter (The story of how this woman was afraid she’d be bit if she squatted to pee in the forest…but how she met these wonderful animals that took her down a rabbit hole…and there was a dragon and a ring…and some Hobbits….and…even some elves)

Cherry Rotter (This magical device is opposite a chastity belt. It’s more along the lines of rohypnol without the loss of memory. Watch as the Cherry Rotter enchants people…from small to thin…from short to tall…from male to female.)