EXECUTIVE RULEs 1 & 2

While executives rule at most companies, I’ve always thought that there should also be executive rules in place. I’m NOT talking about rules against sexual misconduct or drug use. What I’m talking about are the rules, we as middle managers and peons want from our leaders!

Anyone who makes $100,000 or more will henceforth be considered an executive. These employees should follow the following rules (or lose their prestigious expense accounts, bleach-blond bimbo wives/husbands, over-priced (and overpaid) mistresses (who are more like prostitutes, but OFTEN hold the title of PERSONAL ASSISTANT) and of course their title, money and ultimately their privileged lives)!

RULE ONE
Executives shall always have HOMEWORK. They make the most money, so they should do the most work. Any work that is left at the end of the day (since in all likelihood it is because of them) shall go home with them, be completed that night by them and brought back to work by them. This HOMEWORK will be corrected by the person who was sadly unable to finish their own work, due to their bosses “priorities.” This will teach all executives just how long it takes to make a PowerPoint presentation with 6 backgrounds, 12 slide designs, 4 slide layouts, 34 ORIGINAL pieces of clipart (drawn using the two colors of the corporate logo!) along with 58 slide transitions. It’s NOT 15 minutes!

RULE TWO
ALL executives shall be elected to office. They will have to get 100% of the popular vote (unlike in real politics!). This means the ENTIRE organization must vote them into office. In addition, executives MUST be reelected annually. How could this possibly work? Well, if every year, these same people were friendly, helpful and gave BIG raises to their employees (similar to the BIG BONUSES they get) then they could easily garner 100% of the popular vote. Moreover, by making EACH vote count so weightily (not getting one vote would remove an executive from office), these executives would have to treat ALL employees the same way, respectfully. There would be no golden, fair-haired favorites.

There will be many more executive rules coming in the following months!