10 Commandments for Doctors

1. Thou shall not allow any other doctor to have more patients, even if that means each patient pays $300 for a 15 minute medical exam.
2. Thou shall not allow any profession to rise to the level of God. This is why chiropractors had such issues getting accredited.
3. Thou shall not allow malpractice lawsuits. This is why in many states there is a limit on monetary awards from these “accidents”.
4. Thou shall charge double when a patient misses an appointment (but make excuses when one misses them with a patient).
5. Thou shall honor patient’s parents (and their medical history) because God knows there are LOTS of things you can blame them for (and lots of diseases you can claim your patients got from their bad “genes”).
6. Thou shall never commit murder, but shall also never tell a patient he/she is well when one can charge for a myriad of tests and prescribe a placebo that costs more than a left lung (that is if a left lung was up for sale on EBay). And if they do not pay their bills, then the doctor shall accidently on purpose let them die.
7. Thou shall never commit theft, but shall over charge for services whenever possible. This is so every patient gets to read these 3 important words: customary and reasonable. As in “Not”.
8. Thou shall not lie and say “I hope you’re doing alright today”, but instead shall ask every patient the same idiotic question: “How are you today?” (If they were doing well, they wouldn’t be visiting a doctor!)
9. Thou shall require payment in full if the patient does NOT have medical insurance, because God forbid the doctor take a pro bono patient and not be able to buy his fifth castle in the South of France.
10. Thou shall not drive any car less than 3 times what ones patients drive—meaning anything less than a $100,000 car. This is so every patient knows he’s getting (if not the best) then the most expensive medical care possible.