Collecting...Dust

Here’s a great way to figure out lots about someone. Potentially, you’re dating them, and you want to know more about them. What do you ask? What’s a good icebreaker? The common theory is that you should get the OTHER person to talk about themselves. This is a good theory. People LOVE to talk about their lives. However, who cares about someone else's day? Who cares that they had linguine with a pork chop on top for lunch (well, if they had THAT they’re a big pig!) or that they had a nightmare about sleeping with the boss (unless of course their boss is a dog, meaning their into bestiality!) or they are STILL scared of the dark (meaning they NEVER grew up: be careful of this person, they may want you to tuck them in too!) or they watched CSI and felt sorry for the murder (run, don’t walk away from this person—as they have some kind of God Murder complex!). Well, I guess you can learn a lot this way! But, and this is a big but (if they have a big butt tell them to workout for God’s sake!), what if it’s a first date—and you’re nervous (since they don’t seem to have any of these problems, and you could bounce a quarter off their butt!)? What then? Well, you could discuss what they collect.

As long as it’s NOT dust while watching a myriad of stupid sitcoms, you should be okay! But finding out what someone collects should give you some insight into a potential date. Here are some things you might figure out if the person you’re dating collects these things:

1. Angels—well they either have a God complex, or their trying to make up for ALL the bad things they’ve done, or they’re just a sweet angel and want to surround themselves with angels (NOT!).
2. Old Christmas Collectibles—they love the past—when life was simpler, or they want to be Santa Claus or they’re do-gooders who feel safe around sentimental, gift giving memorabilia, or they’re TAKERS in life and want to PRETEND to be GIVERS, or they’re kinky and love old men with big bellies with white hair and beards (“F..k me Santa, F..k me Santa, F..k me!”).
3. Masks—beware of this person. They’re either hiding from people, trying to be someone different, or NOT really showing who they are. They probably LOVE Halloween too! But you’ll NEVER know who you’re dealing with: the African Princess who lords over everyone, the Clown who thinks they’re funny, the Theater Person who likes to be the center of attention or the weirdo who thinks it’s Mardi Gras!
4. Dolls—if it’s a woman, she probably has a mommy complex (and perhaps NO children, or she’s an empty nester who misses her kids). She might be a VERY giving woman, but who wants to sleep with their mommy (I know, there are lots of kinky people who do, but I’m talking NORMAL people!)? If it’s a man, he probably WANTS to be a mother, or a woman, or to have kids, or he likes the feel of those milk-filled breasts when his girlfriend/wife is pregnant and DOING him!