Historical Significance

I found this REALLYOLD painting and it turned out to be a print. However, beneath the print was some ANCIENT PAPER—it looked similar to what the Declaration of Independence was written on. I called the library—excited—was the ORIGINAL Declaration still there, or was it missing? Did it have a sister document? Could I have an original piece of history? The librarian asked me to bring the paper in to their history department. I was SO excited. I traveled all the way downtown, taking buses and trains…hoping I would NOT ruin this important HISTORICAL DOCUMENT. I EVEN bought a VERYIMPORANTDOCUMENTPORTFOLIO so I could carry it without bending it.

I arrived and waited. They took my document into another room, looked it over. I was parted from my document. I was nervous. Would they pull a fast one and take my document and give me a quickly, but badly made (like on PINK copying paper instead of parchment copying paper!) forgery back. I’d heard they did that with diamonds—why not with MORE worthy things (like a document that RESCINDED the Declaration—though, of course, I could NOT read this document’s script, so I wasn’t sure. Maybe it rescinded the slavery EARLIER. Or it gave ALL men the equal right to bare arms against a government that would rob us (I mean, them) blind! Or it gave people the right to hold annual elections and FIRE the President. I wasn’t sure, but I KNEW the DOCUMENT was important). I waited and waited. Eventually the HISOTRICALLIBRARIAN called me in to discuss my amazing find.

“Did you like my AMAZINGFIND?” I asked. “Isn’t it old? And of historical significance?”

It had to be old. It had been behind that Amazing piece of art, crappy print for at least….well…at least as long as my grandmother had owned it. Probably my entire life at the time, so…over 30 years. “How old is it?

“Well, ‘it’s old.”

I knew it. “Like 1700’s?”

“Not THAT old. 1800’s—see here you can tell by the script.”

“Okay, so it’s something Ulysses S. Grant wrote, right?”

“No. It’s a personal letter….”

From someone famous, please!!!!

“From someone explaining about their bad day. But it’s NOT someone famous.”

“And it’s worth?”

“Nothing. It’s interesting because…blah, blah, blah.”

I listened and heard a few things. “Not significant.” Blah, blah, blah. “Someone’s handwriting.” Blah, blah, blah. “Worthless.” Blah, blah, blah. “Not important.”

I decided to give it to the library for their documents, but he librarian said, “No thanks.”

I asked, “Do you want this VERYIMPORANTDOCUMENTPORTFOLIO?”

“It’s not really my color,” the HISOTRICALLIBRARIAN said.

So, on my way out, I tossed them both into a large garbage can. While doing this, I found this REALLYOLD bottle. I’m going to take it to an antique dealer to see if it’s one of the first ever produced. It could be of historical significance. Maybe this will be what puts ME in the history books!