Just Call Me Pill Pop-per

I realized I was getting old when I began taking more pills for my body than for my mind (well, I never actually was a pill popper as a kid, though I had a few druggy friends who were). What I’m talking about are vitamins.

I used to take ONLY one FULLOFMINERALS&VITAMINS&OTHERSTUFFTHATSMELLSAWFUL multi-vitamin a day. That was enough for me. Now, I’m full of other drugs. One drug allows me to have a non-acidic stomach. We’ll call this one NOACID. This drug interacts with SOMETHING in my body to STOP something in my stomach from REACTING to something and form acid (one word I understand!). This drug KEEPS the acid from making an upward path up, up and away into my throat so I can EAT food without feeling as if my esophagus is burning in hell. That’s about all I know about this drug. But hey! it works. For the time being. Oddly enough, the drugs possible side effects are nausea, colon cramps, diarrhea, vomiting and ALL the other things it’s meant to treat. Still, I’m NOW old enough to have to take this drug—NOACID—to prevent the stress of the day from interfering with my bodily functions! Yeah, I made it past 40 (I’m officially OLD).

Now, my doctor tells me I have to take another drug. It appears that while NOACID prevents stress from attacking my stomach—it does NOTHING to prevent the stress from infesting my blood stream—I have high blood pressure. So NOW I must take high blood pressure meds! The symptoms that led my doctor to believe this were—hot/cold hands, tingling in my hands/feet, headaches, feeling palpitations and pressure on my chest. Okay great. LOWERBLOODPRESSURE is a Beta-Blocker. I looked it up Online. It appears that some of the side effects are hot/cold hands, tingling in my hands/feet, headaches, feeling palpitations and pressure on my chest. That’s great—now I won’t know if the drug is working (because of the side effects) or it’s NOT working (because the symptoms are still there!).

I am officially OLD. More drugs for stress. Less drugs for vitality. I’m just waiting for the day when I have to take something for ED (erectile dysfunction)—then I will NOT just be OLD—I will be officially OLDERTHANTHEHILL—I mean, over the hill!