Mr. Man-ners (22): Credit Card Bills, Get Out of Jail Free, Vacation, Smoking, 99 Luf Ballons, Basted Friggin

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
My bills are killing me. I’ve got bills for credit cards. Bills for electric. Bills for my mortgage. What can I do?
In Debt Up to My Eyeballs

Dear In Debt Up to My Eyeballs:
There are no Get Out of Jail Free cards in life. Find a way, pay your bills. Stop whining. If you didn’t have bills your probably wouldn’t have any mail at all. At least your know your loved (even if it is for your money!).
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Help! All I want to do it run away. I don’t like my life. I don’t like my wife. I don’t like my job. What do you suggest?
Lost

Dear Lost:
I suggest you go on vacation. After you see what it costs to “run away” you’ll appreciate everything you currently have. Plus, wives don’t grow on trees (even if you want to string them up on tress from time to time!).
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I quit smoking for a long time. Seven years to be exact. But then I had one at a party. And I started again. Even while I was quit, I was never one of those “Eww, the smell stinks,” type of people. But I live in Chicago. Now they have this stupid smoking ban in public places. It claims you can’t smoke within 15 feet of a public entrance. I work downtown. 15 feet is in the middle of the street. What do I do?
A Smoker

Dear A Smoker:
You got an itch and you scratched it. Not my fault. Yours! I’m a smoker, so I can say that! Now you must live with the consequences of scratching in public. Chicago is a frigging weird place. 15 feet is so arbitrary. What are you going to do take your tape measure out and make sure you’re not too close to the entrance? Or are they going to install smoke stations on the median lines of the street? How the hell is this dumb city ever going to enforce such a strange law? I’m not sure. But I don’t have to deal with it--you do! Good luck, sucker!
Mr. Man-ners

Dear Mr. Man-ners:
I heard a lyric “Blassad Fliggin” in 99 Luf Ballons, that German song. A friend said it meant “Blessed Friggin”. Is this true?
Perplexed

Dear Perplexed:
No! It means “Blasted Friggin.” It’s blasted because balloons make a sound like that when they pop. I can understand your friend’s confusion though since blessed would be like the air, heaven, etc. Now, would you like to buy the Brooklyn Bridge? I don’t know what the hell the lyrics of a damned German song mean! What kind of a stupid question is that to pose? I’m not German. I’m not a lyricist. Get an interpreter or get a life and stop worrying. It’s NOT like you can’t get the English lyrics, so leave me the hell alone you jerk!
Mr. Man-ners