Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Did you hear that Dana Reeve died from lung cancer? It’s weird, she never smoked.
A Star Watcher
Dear A Star Gazer:
What are you stupid—star gazers are like astronomers. You’re just a sad person who likes to live vicariously through famous people’s lives! Yes. I heard about Dana Reeve. Superman died just 17 months ago and now “Superwoman” (anyone who could stay with a quad husband for 9 years HAS to be super) died Monday, March 6. It’s an end to an era. And a sad day for their 13 year old son! Now for my soapbox—1 in 5 women who never smoked will die of lung cancer (the proverbial “they” claim it’s from second hand smoke and Radon gas—but who knows?). Perhaps she just missed her husband so much—the love of her life—that she NEEDED to be with him. Theirs is a love story that will outlive their lives.
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
My boss is terrible. Every meeting he says or does something to knock me down. If I make a comment, he tells me how dumb it is. If I don’t say anything (for fear of being put down) he says I’m “Not contributing.” What should I do?Desperate Worker
Dear Desperate Worker:
Are you a housewife? Get a sitcom! It sounds like you can’t win for losing—but then again you can’t win if you don’t play as the Illinois Lotto is so famous for touting! Contribute for God’s sake. Otherwise, you’ll never get ahead. But contribute with worthy comments. Do your research. Know your subject matter. And if your boss is still putting you down—put him in his place! (Okay, I’m NOT talking about an open hole in a graveyard here—NO going postal!). Tell him he’s being overbearing—then start looking for a new job—in or out of your company. Worst case scenario—tell HR. But be prepared—if he’s been there a long time and has NEVER been reported—you’re probably up Shit’s Creek!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
What the hell does LUG mean? I heard it somewhere and I don’t know what it stands for!
Acronym Fetishist
Dear Acronym Fetishist:
What do you get back from acronyms? They’re unloving, uncaring blobs of letters! Damn, I get some oddball letters. Okay, I know—NOW everyone wants to know what it means. And I do know—but I’m NOT telling. Ha, ha, ha! Screw you all. Okay, that was REALLY fun. LUG means Lesbian until Graduation—it’s applied to girls/women who have lesbian (or bi, I’d guess) sexual experiences in college until they graduate (they purportedly turn straight). They’re EVERYMAN’S wet dream!
Mr. Man-ners
Dear Mr. Man-ners:
Did you hear that some strange guy got onto the runway at Midway in Chicago? Is that security or what?
Bush Basher
Dear Bush Basher:
More like Bush Ball Basher! The guy got onto the airport through a low security area (meaning ANYWHERE where there is a fence!) and supposedly started taking his clothes off. Guess he wanted to flash the airplanes! Or he was hot! Or both! Yes, now that says a lot about our NEW security measures to stop terrorists. Mr. Bush—did you know that the security at our airports is lacking—I know “No one could have predicted that.” And in a few months we’ll see that you have prior knowledge. Just what we needed in the White House a liar! At least Clinton ONLY lied about his sexploits!
Mr. Man-ners
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